Sex drive in an 80's pickup
by Smitten Kitty
Summary: Andrew and Faith have a chat. (implied slash)out with old ch3, in with the new
1. Swing Like This

"Sex is natural, sex is good. Not everybody does it, but everybody should." - 'I Want Your Sex' George Michael  
  
Disclaimer: I'd be lying if I claimed to own any of the characters used. ^. ~  
  
A/N: Just a short conversation piece. Not sure if I should continue with it or just leave it as is. Sorry if I offend any George Michael fans!  
  
"You know, 'Wham!' really was a pivotal point for him after his solo career. It proved that even though he was a homosexual man he could continue making meaningful music."  
"Listen yo. That's not true. I think all of us ladies were pretty scared the hell off by that point. I mean, the man got his start shaking his ass in these tight jeans. Singing about being a father figure and all that kinky shit. Then boom! We find out he actually color coordinates his clothing and is boning men in the ass."  
Andrew leaned back in the seat as far as the ropes would allow him, scowling as he did so. Ever since she had arrived everyone decided it best that he remained bound to a piece of furniture. Poorly crafted furniture he mentally noted.  
"I'm just saying. Just because someone is homosexual, it isn't the end of the world. There are oodles of high profile gays who live far better than you ever will."  
Faith over animatedly threw her hands up in the air. Chuckling as she did so. This kid was crazy, and not in the cold blooded way she once was.  
"What even started this kid? As soon as I came in singing 'I want your sex' you jumped all over my case!" Andrew's eyebrows turned down and his frown deepened. "Oh ho! Woah there Isaac Mizrahi! I get it!"  
"Get what? There's nothing to get!" His voice was shriller than he had intended. Faith laughed even harder and lightly punched him in the shoulder. "Owww! What was that for?!?! I don't appreciate this you know."  
"Nothing champ! I just didn't realize you were a, err, closet Alan Cummings. Now that I think about it, it's pretty damn obvious."  
Andrews face lit up in horror. There was no way he could allow that trashy delinquent spread the news. Plus with the amount of immature houseguests, it would spread like wildfire.  
"Listen Faith. How about we negotiate." He paused, lost in thought. This could be just like a Star Trek episode! He would be the brave captain and save everyone's deepest secrets. Plus he could wear a glittery velour space suit. He smiled, and sighed with contentment.  
"Okay Sparky, let's negotiate. Hows about I don't tell on you, if. Say, you help me become a bit more 'refined'. Sound kosher?"  
Andrew grinned; this was going to be interesting. He would get to be part of something! His thoughts then turned to Xander. What if he found out? Or what if he suddenly fell desperately in love with the soon to be cultured Faith? He groaned, why must he always complicate things?  
  
A/N: Alright! My first stab at BTVS fiction! Please review! I would like to know if I should continue the story. I do have some ideas in the works for the following chapter if people like it enough for me to go on! Thanks! 


	2. Anatomy of a Grapefruit

"Your hair is, everywhere. Screaming infidelities, and taking its wear." (Dashboard Confessional) 'Screaming Infidelities  
  
Disclaimer: I'd be lying if I told you I owned the things I didn't. Wouldn't want to lose your trust now would I? ^. ~  
  
A/N: Okay! Thanks a great deal for the reviews! Very inspiring, I'm very happy you like it so far! I'm contemplating working a 'relationship' into the story. (But that wont be completely apparent until a bit later.) Onto the story!  
  
Time: 3am Location: Basement in the Summer's residence Mission: Refinement  
  
Andrew stood silently in the dimly lit basement. He suppressed a shiver; the dank moldy smell also started irritating his already twitching nose. Faith paced around, taking in all he had just said. Andrew rhythmically tapped the dry erase marker in his hand.  
  
"Listen missy. I told you that if you wanted to become a proper lady you need to stand like this!" Andrew pointed to the diagram on the dry erase board hung haphazardly on the wall behind him.  
  
"Shh! Keep it down already! The last thing I need is a bunch of slayerettes down here to catch a glimpse at my. Well whatever the hell you'd call what we're doing."  
  
Andrew heavily sighed, rolling his eyes for what must have been the 78th time. Faith had kept a mental count on the habit.  
  
"We call it finishing, Faith. F-I-N-I-S-H-I-N-G. Now I've come to realize you have quite a sailor's mouth on you. No proper lady would be so much as caught dead breathing words like that."  
  
"Thank you Wonder Woman. I'll keep that in flucking mind you dan little mitch." "Now when you do that it sounds as if English was your second, if not third, language. How about you cut it down to one swear word per paragraph?"  
  
Deciding it wasn't worth arguing over, she nodded her head in compliance. The next several hours passed similarly, each trying to get their digs in on each other. Andrew was appalled with how slowly it seemed to be moving. Faith showed little progress by the time they retired to bed at 5:30.  
  
The kitchen was filled with pajama-clad girls, all talking feverishly. The topic fluttered from Lucky Charms, to the First, to who stole whose toothbrush. Andrew sat silently at the counter, eating what was left of the cereals mixed into one bowl of nearly expired whole milk. Scanning the room, he spotted no sign of Faith. To his left he noted Xander sitting in his boxers, chest and abs fully exposed for his viewing pleasure, reading the newspaper and sipping watered down coffee. His eyes wandered off of Xander, and onto the girls who were milling about. Everyone suddenly retired from their previous conversations, a hush fell over the room and all eyes were directed towards the entryway.  
Ignoring the obvious stares, Faith casually walked towards the refrigerator. She daintily opened the door and pulled out a grape fruit. She gracefully strode over to the counter and placed her grapefruit beside Andrew's cereal dish. As if on cue, Faith glimpsed around and smiled warmly.  
  
"Good morning everyone."  
  
The girls turned to one another and began speaking in half whispers. Faith and Andrew beamed at each other, secretly knowing that the previous night's training had been a success. Faith was clad in an uncomplicated white A-line dress, her hair neatly curled, makeup clean and simple.  
  
"Wow, Faith, you. You look very ladylike for once." Xander foolishly grinned at Faith, his paper now folded arbitrarily on the counter. Faith smiled, forcing back the retorts that were swimming around in her mind, begging to reach surface. Had she not been 'ladylike' before? She mentally kicked Xander in the face.  
  
"Umm, well thank you I suppose." She turned to where the fruit had been laying in front of her only minutes ago, to find it nowhere in sight. Infuriated, she whipped around hands in tight fists by her side.  
  
"Okay! Which little bitch took my grapefruit damnit!?!?!" there was a light tug on her dress, and she turned around to face Andrew. "What?"  
He pointed to the floor where her grapefruit now rested. She hadn't even begun to think that it could have rolled off the counter on its own. She mumbled 'oh' and picked up the grapefruit, quickly brushing it off.  
  
"That's my signal to leave then, Sorry." With that she turned on her heel and glided out the door.  
  
A/N: Okay so there's chapter 2! Hope you all enjoyed it, please review to give me an indication on whether or not you did! Constructive criticism is more than welcome! 


	3. Bathroom Encounters

Disclaimer: Just manipulating the characters owned by one ridiculously brilliant Joss Whedon for some non-profit fun!  
  
"In life, one has to face a huge assortment, of nauseating fads, and good advice." ~ Amneris 'My Strongest Suit' (Aida)  
  
A/N: Okay I've decided that chapter 3 was too short to actually be considered a chapter. I've added to it and here's the final product. Enjoy!  
  
Xander stood in the bathroom, looking intently at his reflection. A small trickle of blood made a weaving path down his left cheek. Clumsily he let the razor fall to the floor, completely unaware. His face ashen and stone cold. The days had become longer since the new arrival of girls, the house was now busting at its seams. It was quite fortunate that the bathroom was unoccupied this early in the morning. "Oh my! I'm so sorry!" Xander was violently jolted from his escape from reality by a furiously blushing Andrew. Andrew obviously trying to be polite and cover his eyes, couldn't help but take in the nearly nude body in front of him.  
"GET OUT!!!" Xander clutched the towel that hung around his waist. Andrew hurriedly bustled from the room, the door slamming behind him.  
Slumping down against the wall, Andrew let thoughts of the encounter food his mind. He couldn't help suppress the devilish grin that crept upon his face as it dawned on him that the only thing between Xander and him was a thin bath towel.  
"Andrew!" he looked up to see Faith standing impatiently above him. "Finally. So can we um, you know? Get in some practice?"  
  
He rose to his feet, straightening his posture and trying to rise to her height. "Sure okay. Do you mind if we wait until Xander is done? I really have to pee."  
  
Faith nodded and made her way downstairs leaving Andrew by his lonesome. She slowed her pace and focused solely on walking down the stairs with as much poise as she could muster. The living room was full of weary girls whose faces were streaked with a mixture of grass and dirt. Faith stood in the doorway surveying the soon to be army with a skeptical eye. "We had an early morning sparring match in the back yard. It didn't go well." Buffy's attention had fallen upon Faith, her expression a combination of disappointment and grim reality. "I was hoping maybe you could take a swing at it and get them into condition." "Without question B! It's about time we put a fire under their asses anyway!" Andrew noisily cleared his throat from behind Faith, his eyes boring into hers. Faith scoffed and walked farther into the living room. She then turned to him with a sly grin playing about her lips.  
"Listen Andrew, I appreciate all you've done. Really, I do. Now is the time for us all to get serious though. So the hell with me becoming refined, this is war and I shouldn't be playing this whole cleansing of the old me game."  
Andrew looked both stunned and thoroughly offended. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. She had gone and ruined it all. Why couldn't it have been Dawn or even Willow who had walked into the room that day?  
"Oh, and Andrew. Be brave. Be brave like George Michaels!" Faith winked at him before taking a seat on the floor next to several confused potentials. Buffy looked at the grinning Faith, then back to Andrew who looked like he was on the brink of tears. There was a silent confusion hanging above the room like an impending rain shower, just ready to let loose on a perfectly planned picnic.  
"Uh, not to be the guy who ruins the awkward silence or anything but. We do have some important-"  
Andrew who had plowed his way to the center of the living room cut Willow short. Resting on his hips were his now trembling hands.  
"Listen okay, I don't want you guys to get the wrong impression from this-this. Shannon Doherty if you will!" he threw his nose in the air and made several irrelevant hand motions to boot. Now bringing his hand to his heart, his face sobered and his voice took on a more solemn quality.  
"I am coming to terms with my sexuality. I, Andrew, am homosexual."  
There was an instant shuffling around in seats after Andrew made his confession. The silence was unanimous, a wicked smile still spread across Faith's face.  
"O-oookay. Thank you for the touchy feeling moment." Buffy obviously displeased at the interruption. "Now, we'll go about"  
"But, aren't we going to talk about this? I mean. Hell-o. I just came out of the proverbial closet. If this was Star Trek..."  
Buffy groaned, smacking her forehead with the palm of her hand. "ANDREW! This is not Star Trek! I'm sick of your singsong, whiney, ego trips!!! Enough already!"  
Andrew thoroughly disgusted, strode out of the room feverently. This was the worst place to be!  
  
A/N: Hmm. Sorry that it took so long to update. Reviews would be great thanks! There will be one more installment to this story. (I think) 


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